ALWAYS READ THE FINE PRINT - OR, IN THIS CASE, JUST TAKE MY WORD FOR IT - THIS IS WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN... SERIOUSLY...

Obviously the DOT’s signmakers charge by the letter, size of letters, and size of the sign. Plus, traffic signs are necessarily brief, and often symbolic, lest you slow to a crawl – or stop – to read every word contained thereon.

Otherwise, you’d be able to read the asterisked subtext on all posted speed limit signs (trust me, it’s there – have I ever led you astray before?):

*EVEN THOUGH, TECHNICALLY, THIS SIGN ADVISES YOU THAT THE LEGAL MAXIMUM SPEED YOU ARE ALLOWED TO DRIVE IN THIS ZONE IS 45 MILES PER HOUR (INSERT APPLICABLE NUMBER HERE), AND THAT LEGALLY YOU CAN BE CITED FOR EXCEEDING THIS SPEED LIMIT, IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD BE DRIVING BELOW 45 MILES PER HOUR (LIKE 40, OR 35), JUST BECAUSE IT STRIKES YOUR FANCY, OR YOU’RE SIGHTSEEING, OR YOU’RE AFRAID OF OTHERS AROUND YOU, OR YOU’RE FRIGHTENED OF YOUR OWN VEHICLE (ESPECIALLY IF YOUR HAIR IS BLUE AND YOU HAVE PURCHASED A LAND YACHT, ALLOWING FOR A LUDICROUS AMOUNT OF EXTRA METAL BUFFER AROUND YOUR FRAGILE FORM, TAKING UP FAR TOO MUCH SPACE ON THE ROAD, WHEN YOU ALREADY NEED TWO COPIES OF THE GREATER LOS ANGELES PHONE BOOK UNDER YOUR ASS TO BE ABLE TO SEE OVER THE STEERING WHEEL). EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY FEEL YOUR TAX DOLLARS ARE SIMPLY BEING FLUSHED DOWN VERY EXPENSIVE TOILETS, YOUR GOVERNMENT’S TRANSPORTATION EXPERTS HAVE PERFORMED DECADES OF EXTENSIVE RESEARCH IN ORDER TO CALCULATE THE APPROPRIATE SPEED FOR THIS SECTION OF ROAD, TAKING INTO ACCOUNT NOT ONLY ROAD CONDITIONS, BUT TRAFFIC FLOW AS WELL. YOU SHOULD BE DRIVING THE EXACT POSTED SPEED LIMIT, PRIMARILY BECAUSE IT IS CONSCIENTIOUS TO YOUR FELLOW DRIVERS, ALL OF WHOM READ THE SIGN AS SAYING YOU SHOULD DRIVE 45 MPH – PERIOD.”

Now, just for giggles…

DW

c'est moi

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